stars 1/2

Stars 1/2 cash graph

I know I always use the same, "been so long etc etc" title so I will just move on without that...

Its pretty amusing at exactly how much has happened since I last updated. I don't even know where to start so this will probably be pretty scattered but here we go...

New Zealand was amazzzzzzzzzzzing... tons of poker... got to play my first live major event... APPT Auckland, was a great experience but I busted literally the last hand of day 1, lame. I was going to get a Visa and move back to NZ but things have changed and I decided I would rather just stay in the states and chill for a while.

About a week after I got home from NZ I went to Michigan to stay at my friend DBs house. Was great staying out there for a month or so... Telks was out there as well and we talked a lot about my game and I improved a ton.

Since all this, I had a great Feb. Three 5fig scores for 15k, 10k and 30k... I now have a total of 8 five figure scores. Pretty nice considering 5 of them have came in 2010... things are starting to look up.

I also won a triple crown on p5s in Jan and I did an interview with them that was posted on the front page. Link to interview

Well, its getting pretty late and I am already getting lost on what else to mention due to my long time away from this thing so hopefully I will start updating it more which will make it a bit easier.

EDIT - just went through and read most of my blog posts from the start... if anyone is interested in a good laugh then feel free to take a look... I was fucking ridic, complaining non stop blah blah blah, yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Also, my HHs were pathetic and I did nothing but complain about bad beats when I shouldn't of even been in the hand or I just played it like a moron. w/p arsonist88 imo. So glad things are different now.

Lol @ how long it has been...

Well, it has been FOREVER since I have posted here so I will start with an update of where I stand on my 2009 goals.


New Years Resolutions and Goals:

• Put in a lot of volume and work my ass off even through the tough times. (So far I have played about 800 mtts over 2 1/2 months... I would say I am achieving this goal at this point.) Update here - I have now moved to New Zealand and I am working my ass of daily.
  

• Work on my mindset through tough times and stay more positive. (Not perfect yet but I am really working on it. I have purchased two books on poker mindset so I am working towards this goal.) I am doing really well with this, I still get irritated sometimes as everyone does... but I have improved a ton.
• Continue working on and improving my game. (always)
  
• Quit my day job by February. (I quit in January)
  
• Move to Vegas by April at the latest... preferably sooner. (meh, things have changed at this point but who knows) Well, that didn't work out... but I have moved to NZ so that should count imo.
  
• Have a set Sunday Major schedule by 2010. (not yet) lol... my sundays now cost me about 6k so I would say this is def checked off the list.
  
• Hit my first 10k+ score. (11.6k in FTP 40k on March 18th) Two more since then... 63k and 15k.
  
• Start playing live a decent amount in the places I am able to play. (not yet but plans to start soon.) Played APPT Auckland, prob going to Aussie Millions and then NZ poker championship.
  
• Separate personal life and poker life. (meh, not really... poker is taking up most of my life but im working on it.) In NZ I am done by 3ish so we all go out and do other things instead of being degens all day... well, Moorman still degens it up quite a bit but still.
  
• Get out with friends and family more and start enjoying life away from the computer atleast one weekend per month. (I have occasionally, bought a new bowling ball and I have been bowling a few times but don't get out nearly as much as I planned to so far) Well, I am on the opposite side of the world than my family so no on that, but I go out with friends all the time.
  
• 100 FTs (26/100, I need to avg 8 FTs per month to make this goal... I had 10 FTs in Jan, 8 FTs in Feb and 8 FTs for march so far so I am doing good on this goal so far) Well, I am def crushed this goal... I stopped counting but I think I am somewhere around 150 or so... maybe more considering I get about 20-30+ FTs/month.

Well, obv a lot has changed since my last post. I have moved to NZ and I am currently living with Puggy82, Beej, Mathclub and Moorman. It is even better than I thought it would be. At home, after a bad day I would basically just dwell on it which obv never helps. In this house there is always a good vibe. 5 pros living in one house... someone is going to have a good day.

My first week in the house we had two major wins for a total of about 90k or so. I have had another major FT since then as well as a few wins and quite a few other FTs.

I am going back to the states Dec 22nd but after that I will most likely get a Visa and just move out here for a year and enjoy life while I am still young.


Meh, posting seemed like a great idea... but I am semi drunk from tonights outing and I should prob go to bed.

I will try to keep up with this a little better.

The Definition of Running Bad/Good.

Okay, well, to start this I have to hit on a different topic first... I would like to take a second to congradulte my most recent online poker friend, "tacosontilt", for his recent success at the tables.

We started talking a couple weeks ago. He was railing a few of my other friends and then started railing my final tables as well. He noticed how much I make playing poker and we are the same age so it kind of caught his attention and he had a lot of questions for me. We talked online for about 4 hours on strategy one day. I went into more details with him about my game and different strategy that I ever have with anyone else. Well, since then he has had over 4 final tables with 9k in winnings and he is continuing to just watch his roll grow and grow. He has a lot of potential so early on, big things in the future.

Tonight he finally had his first good win, shipping the $55 10k for just over 3k.

Keep it up bro, this isn't the last mtt you will be shipping, so many more to come.

THE DEFINITION OF RUNNING BAD/GOOD

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately considering my recent downswing and just how awful I have been running.

I have butted heads with a friend of mine, AdamsApple19, about this a few times. He would mention how bad he is running and I would always say that I am as well and I have never truely ran bad before. In reality, the question is, what exactly is running bad or good? Running good doesn't mean that you are just getting AA twenty times everytime you register for a tourney. Running good doesn't mean you are sucking out and getting lucky. Running good just means that your hands are holding up. You're winning about 40% of your races and the math is working out correctly. You're winning with QQ vs JJ 80% of the time.

A while back Adam was trying to tell me that in the past few months I have actually ran pretty well. This kind of caused us to butt heads a little bit because I felt like I was running horrible. This month has proved me 100% wrong. If you are showing profit and making final tables, odds are that you are running good. I have ran about 250 mtts this month and I only have three final tables. There really is no way to explain just how bad I am running. I feel like I suck out if I win a race, there is no more fist pumping when I am all in with AK vs AQ. I am actually staring at the screen, heart beating out of my chest, praying they don't spike a Q.

This is something that all poker have or will go through from time to time. There are alway losing months in this game. No one can win every mtt they register for and no one will win with AA everytime it is dealt to them. These are the times that the game really tests your patience and stamina. Are you willing to hang in there for the long haul or are you just going to give up? I have said many times in my short poker career that I quit, i'm done etc etc... I truely know deep down that I am a poker play, I will battle through this and everything will turn out just fine.

I truely believe the knowledge of this can actually help people. Some people start winning and feel like they should be winning everything so when they lose with AK to QQ or even a 60/40 they start feeling like they are running bad and this will hurt their confidece which will turn to a downswing 90% of the time. I repeat, noone can win every mtt they play and if you lose with AA to bust 11th in a tourney, thats a bad beat, yes, but in no way does that one bad beat mean that you're running bad. Hang in there and get back on the horse and try again. Remember, AA will only beat 22 80% of the time meaning that you WILL lose there sometimes, it's a mathematical fact.

For the people who are truely running bad, I feel for you, I know how it feels and it's the most devistating part about choosing poker as a career. We feel as if we will never win again. We can't win an all in no matter how far ahead we are and forget about winning if we are behind. There isn't really a whole lot that I can say except hang in there... We chose this game because we love it, don't forget that. There will be bad time but the good times are what make it all worth while. There is nothing like the feeling of shipping a tournament. Get back on the horse, fight through it and get that amazing feeling back.

I am off to start my daily schedule, I wish you all the best of luck.

There may be a part 2 of this topic, we will see in the future.

-Arson

Behind the poker scene of Arson. (Part One)

Well, its been damn near a month since I have posted. This post isn't going to be about poker but I will atleast recap how March ended...

After shipping the 40k I shipped the $109 15k on stars for another 4k+ and ended the month with 14 final tables. Started the month shitty, min march was nice and end of march was shit again. Good news is that I finally have a set sunday major schedule... I run every major and big sunday mtt. Um, SCOOP went okay, I cashed in like 5/8 NLHE events or something. May will be 10x better with FTOPs imo.

Enough Poker

April has been a month to make me really think... even deeper than usual. Everything seems to be going down hill. My girlfriend and I broke up last month after a 2 year + relationship. That hit me pretty hard. Ive been running really bad this month too which always gets to me and makes me second guess myself.

All of this is really making me lose my confidence in life. I have always been happy to be me up until the last few months. I mean, I have been battling depression for about a year now but it was never this bad. I grew up happy with tons of friends and I was never alone. These days are a lot different. When I moved to Raleigh over a year ago I never went out to meet people so I feel alone here. That brings on the depression even more because I don't even have someone around to just socialize with.

I have talked a lot about how I have really wanted to seperate my poker life from real life but its really hard to do that when I technically don't really have a life anymore. The majority of the time I feel like poker is all that I have anymore. Dedication is great - poker ruling your entire life is setting yourself up for a lonely and painful life. This is something that I truely want to break a.s.a.p. If I don't then my life will just continue to worsen and I will just walk through life alone with my head hanging low wondering where the wasted years have gone.

I think the worst part about what I am currently going through is the loss of confidence in my personal life, not just at the poker tables. I am starting to feel worthless and basically like I am just not a good person. I have always tried so hard to be the best person that I can be but lately I have pushed everyone away and sheltered myself in my bedroom with my computer. - Really weird considering I want to do stuff outside of poker, yet I keep shutting people out. I have a lot of issues I have to work out if I want to move forwards out of this emotional state of mind that I am in and also if I want to progress with poker.


This is going to be a two parter post... goodluck at the tables everyone.

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work."

"Gotta keep my head held high, theres always going to be another mountain, I'm always going to want to make it move, always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes im going to have to lose, isn't about how fast I get there, i'snt about the battle on the other side, its about the climb."

Haven't had much to post until tonight...

Well, this month started out HORRIBLE. 5k downswing is possibly the worst way to start the month and it is something I haven't been used to. Ever since Oct I haven't had a losing month and I have usually hit a score pretty early on but this month was different. I know that as a poker player I will have losing months eventually but it is just something I haven't had to deal with yet since I started playing seriously. I finally hit a 3rd in the 20r 19.5k on FTP but I should have won... 3 handed with the CL KKtoQQ for 1.3mil in chips. I win that pot I am HU with 1.3mil vs 150k but w/e. I took 2700 with that and a little confidence... That started a 6 FT run over 5 days of play ending with this $75 40k shipping it for nearly 12k. I played so so sick in this tourney, 100% fearless and controlled all of the play from final 2 tables on.


Time to go over my 2009 goals and see what I have/have not accomplished so far.



New Years Resolutions and Goals:

• Put in a lot of volume and work my ass off even through the tough times. (So far I have played about 800 mtts over 2 1/2 months... I would say I am achieving this goal at this point.)
  

• Work on my mindset through tough times and stay more positive. (Not perfect yet but I am really working on it. I have purchased two books on poker mindset so I am working towards this goal.)
  
• Continue working on and improving my game. (always)
  
• Quit my day job by February. (I quit in January)
  
• Move to Vegas by April at the latest... preferably sooner. (meh, things have changed at this point but who knows)
  
• Have a set Sunday Major schedule by 2010. (not yet)
  
• Hit my first 10k+ score. (11.6k in FTP 40k on March 18th)
  
• Start playing live a decent amount in the places I am able to play. (not yet but plans to start soon.)
  
• Separate personal life and poker life. (meh, not really... poker is taking up most of my life but im working on it.)
  
• Get out with friends and family more and start enjoying life away from the computer atleast one weekend per month. (I have occasionally, bought a new bowling ball and I have been bowling a few times but don't get out nearly as much as I planned to so far)
  
• 100 FTs (26/100, I need to avg 8 FTs per month to make this goal... I had 10 FTs in Jan, 8 FTs in Feb and 8 FTs for march so far so I am doing good on this goal so far)