I have so much passion for this game... I have given up everything in my life to focus on this... I have given it my all and it has done nothing but hurt me. I just want me breakthrough. Everyone is getting theirs but me. I just want one time to say, "Yeah, I took down a tourney today." It feels like I will never get to say that... it feels like the only thing I will ever have to say is the same thing over and over... "I lose again." The thing that bugs me the most is when someone complains about taking a bad beat or not being able to FT something when they have recently scored... and people say this to me. When people say that it kills me... they have had a good score... and they still complain? I am putting in more hours and more effort than anyone I know and I have yet to even break even on a day. I am shoving negative every single day. It's so sad that I would actually be excited to break even on a day... just to know I didn't lose anything.
I guess I am just going to keep plugging along at it... and hope that maybe things will change for me... maybe dreams do come true... maybe I will succeed... I believe??
On a side note...
I have been missing my ex girlfriends daughter Riley so much lately... I haven't talked to my ex in a while but I miss her daughter so much. She is 3 years old and turns 4 in July. She is the most amazing little girl in this world. I fell in love with her the very first time I saw her. She used to call me "Aber"... short for Abercrombie because I worked there when I met my ex and I guess that was a nickname for me.. Whenever Riley would call me Aber it made my heart melt. She didn't know me by any other name for a very long time and then I guess she started picking up on it because one time someone called me Justin and she said, "NO THATS ABER." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It kills me...
There is so much stress going on in my life other than just not being able to see or talk to Riley though. I have no friends where I live... I grew up in King with tons of friends and I moved to the beach where I have tons of friends but here in Raleigh... I have no one. I have given everything up for poker.. I used to go out all the time when I lived in King... when I lived at the beach it was like a 24/7 party.... but here... I feel lonely... I feel non existent. The only friends I have are my friends online... Rexy, Jimmy, Blake and Dave(Iceberg)... and even Blake went to the army a few weeks back and wont be home for another 17 weeks or so.
The sad thing is that isn't the only problems going on in my life...
It seems like everything I do is wrong... I mean, my mom and I have been at it like crazy for a while now... My pitbull puppy still chews and isn't quite potty trained because we live in an apartment and you can't just put him outside. She is always threatening to get rid of him and that kills me... he is my little buddy and it would crush me to see him go. I mean, I already don't have any friends around here... don't take the one thing I feel loves me away.
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